I had a warm feeling these couple of days about lots of lost memories through out my teenage-hood. It started with a dream that took me back to a moment I dreamed of several times: the meeting of one of my crushes and catching up with him and our lives, although we were never gathered before. And what was striking for me is that I saw his face clearly in my dreams although it feels like ages since I really saw him that I forgot how he looks like. And the feeling of security, oh my God it felt so good and lovely.
So the next day, I woke up with a strange feeling of happiness and I felt a whole lot of energy, I even dared to search for him and I found a picture of him on social media. I knew for a long time that he settled abroad with a wife, kids, he is raising a family, but just to be able to see his picture made my day.
And yesterday, i reunited with my 2 of my friends since a long time, and the feeling of happiness and safety I have whenever am around them, am around him, at his home, makes me very lucky. Pizza and wine never looked more exciting, finally something for us, it’s Our Thing. Whenever am around him, I feel like I belong to something, to someone and I feel myself, I don’t have to hide or pretend except for one thing actually: I just have to pretend that I don’t care that much for not hugging or kissing him. Only God knows how much I want that.
And through all this, I feel so blessed to have my little life circle around. I get the strength from them specifically from my little piece of heart, my niece. She has this energy that makes me feel valuable. She is the priceless gift from above. She is life and love. And if it’s my destiny of not having a family for my own, she is and will be my family, so am not worried anymore of what seems to be the dream for all, whether we like it or not: to marry and raise a family. I confess that for a while I faced this fear and was worried, but not anymore. with all the things happening in my country right now, and through all the chaos we are facing, if anything is stable right now, would be her in my life, and him in my life even if not like I wanted to be, but I know that it will be always be him around.
Until we meet again and until I know where life will lead me to, cheers !