Morning Thoughts

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I had a warm feeling these couple of days about lots of lost memories through out my teenage-hood. It started with a dream that took me back to a moment I dreamed of several times: the meeting of one of my crushes and catching up with him and our lives, although we were never gathered before. And what was striking for me is that I saw his face clearly in my dreams although it feels like ages since I really saw him that I forgot how he looks like. And the feeling of security, oh my God it felt so good and lovely.

So the next day, I woke up with a strange feeling of happiness and I felt a whole lot of energy, I even dared to search for him and I found a picture of him on social media. I knew for a long time that he settled abroad with a wife, kids, he is raising a family, but just to be able to see his picture made my day.

And yesterday, i reunited with my 2 of my friends since a long time, and the feeling of happiness and safety I have whenever am around them, am around him, at his home, makes me very lucky. Pizza and wine never looked more exciting, finally something for us, it’s Our Thing. Whenever am around him, I feel like I belong to something, to someone and I feel myself, I don’t have to hide or pretend except for one thing actually: I just have to pretend that I don’t care that much for not hugging or kissing him. Only God knows how much I want that.

And through all this, I feel so blessed to have my little life circle around. I get the strength from them specifically from my little piece of heart, my niece. She has this energy that makes me feel valuable. She is the priceless gift from above. She is life and love. And if it’s my destiny of not having a family for my own, she is and will be my family, so am not worried anymore of what seems to be the dream for all, whether we like it or not: to marry and raise a family. I confess that for a while I faced this fear and was worried, but not anymore. with all the things happening in my country right now, and through all the chaos we are facing, if anything is stable right now, would be her in my life, and him in my life even if not like I wanted to be, but I know that it will be always be him around.

Until we meet again and until I know where life will lead me to, cheers !

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Coziness

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Despite waking up a little sick from a starting flu, I felt that I need to clean up my room and clothes, a little make over for the winter season. I re-arranged my book shelves which I always think of it as a sanctuary for me. It holds every little nice memory I’ve had and every little small thing I ever got from special ones. It is the place where I can be myself, thinking, dreaming, reading, writing and remembering.

I prepared for myself a hot cup of tea with ginger (for my throat obviously), put my winter bed covers, lighted the fire and emerged in a world of fantasies with my books. I did not pay attention to the time, and it was all great for me. I guess this is a Sunday well spent at home.

I always feel that in winter I can accomplish more with all that I love to do, feeling the coziness in my bedroom and just hanging there with my own world apart from everyone and everything that is going on outside these walls, my walls. Winter is always my season, my favorite time. I can just sit for hours doing things I love to do for myself, hearing from time to time the sound of rain coming down, and just live the moment. It is heaven.

And through all of this, you keep coming back haunting my mind, my heart and my soul. I keep wanting you more in my life. But am learning to not be dependent of this. I have so much to do in my life, and am willing this year to start thinking seriously about the next step of my life. Everybody looks forward to this next step of their lives, which is usually finding that special someone and beginning a new life of their own together. For me, the next step will be fulfilling my dream. And live the moment with people who matters.

My niece, is the perfect gift from God sent from above. My sweet angel, savior, my everything. She steels my heart at every beat. Sometimes, the meaning of settlement, love and life come within the family. she is already giving me tenderness and love, what else could I ask for more. And the thing that she feels secure and happy spending time in my cozy bedroom makes me feel overwhelmed.

Cheers to a better tomorrow, with a blessed winter and holiday seasons !

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Reading, the perfect journey

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“She must step out of the shadows to find her voice” Sometimes all you need is a sentence or an expression to make you remember what is your first passion or what is your ambition in this short life we all live.

I guess this weekend, i looked back to the journey where i first started love reading, and i couldn’t remember a date. It was always my passion since i was little girl. I would spend hours and days diving in a book with its characters and stories. and I discovered this weekend another fact, that i will postpone for now reading stories from my favorite authors (Stephen King, Nicolas Sparks and Paulo Coelho) only to get into the stories of others. And i guess i found my next favorite one: the author Lucinda Riley. I am already obsessed from just the titles of her books, and i know i will enjoy the journey with her stories to tell.

I am craving to read stories related to mankind especially powerful women who can inspire. I can’t remember the last time I woke up this early just to be able to enjoy my reading, while counting the hours so that libraries would open the next day to go and buy more books.

We are passing through difficult times in our country right now, i must even say more difficult than the time of wars. our economy is threatened and most of people are afraid to be cut off from their work because of this. we also got our first warning notice that if this will continue badly, we might be out of work too. I know that in these facts, one must save so that he can be able to survive more in the worst, but I believe that buying books, with this enthusiasm and joy, is a win-win situation. I can always have them to keep me company when i need them. it’s my treasure that i will always hold with me. Since i was this little girl, i was this weird one who carries on wherever she goes a bag full of books. I always knew it is what I want for life, to read, and maybe sometimes to be a story teller too, a writer, maybe an inspiration. And if this would become reality, even for small group, even if only for people that I adore the most, I would be overwhelmed that I did something that touched their hearts and minds.

For those people, for my future self, i would say to stay courage and positive and to hope for better days to come. for me, travel, knowledge, education and reading bring warmth and strength to ourselves to overcome everything and to understand the world better. And since traveling would be little difficult for the time being, and since we only live once, I’ve decided to live thousands of lives. this would be my early new year resolution, hoping to keep the promise alive.

Cheers to more inspiration !

 

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Happy Independence Day Lebanon !

“There’s a difference between us. You think the people of this land exist to provide you with position. I think your position exists to provide those people with freedom. And I go to make sure that they have it.”

Yesterday when I was searching for a movie to watch on the TV, I caught “Braveheart” at the end scene, I remember watching it before and I remember how moved I was, and how I learned the meaning of fight and right and freedom.

Friday 22nd November marked our Independence day for 76 years, how we got out independence day is another story, but I remember having remarkable dates since I was born that I personally believe in them for our independence: a remarkable day that I remember back in year 2000 on 25 May when we heard on the TV that our South has been free from Israeli occupation – and on 17 OCT 2019 we started to free our country from the corruption we were having since 30 years. Also to state the facts of this corruption is another story.

But what I am seeing that we lost somewhow the meaning, the true meaning of this revolution. There are people, despite our enthusiasm of changing our country for the best, are trying regretfully to sabotage this revolution. And honestly I started to lose some faith in this revolution because all I can see is a more economic decline, people are getting fired from their work, or getting salary deduction, streets are being closed by force in the face of the people and this situation is getting ugly. At first I was with closing the streets, but after one week and since there wasn’t any change or any intention from the Government to make a step forward, closing the streets is becoming with no value, on the contrary it will lead to some place that we all are against of.

On our Independence day ceremony, the Government was holding a military ceremony whereas people were having a public ceremony, which was creative one must say. It was one of a kind and one that we are all proud of because what we showed the world is something very unique and beautiful. the most beautiful thing in this parade was the car built fully by a Lebanese man David Phrem. This touched my heart a lot and made me realize more why we can make it through this revolution, and we can make our dream possible and this is what frightens the world and people in power the most, because we can change. Just let us hope we don’t make it a waste. So what is next? what are we waiting for and how we will resolve all our problems? this is the big question now, hoping that we will take back what is ours: the “Eastern Switzerland” they called us once.

“In the year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Scotsmen. And won their freedom.”

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Lebanon Revolution 2019

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17 October 2019 is a date to remember in the history of Lebanon and the whole world too. It is the day where our revolution against the anti-corruption and the sectarianism for the government and religious authorities all around the country.

it all started well, from the extreme North to the extreme South, in all the cities and villages where the leader, political or religious, were “eliminated” from people’s voices to shout out for the society freedom we all seek and want someday to happen.

we all have one dream: to see our beloved Lebanon rises from all the corruptions, from any kind of segregation whether it is regional, political or religious and become as one nation, having green places and public gardens free of pollution, social and medical insurances, free education, free ensure aging, good public transportation, and that the people in the authority will be elected according to their domain and integrity,,, to live in a country with the basic human and social rights without having people of high power stealing and working only for their own economical benefits.

people have been in the streets 10 days now, there are the majority of the people who are still participating in this public strike and revolution for the good causes, but there are some people who has the fears that there is always someone who is handling the revolution against them, against a new abolition strategy for them, and unfortunately this can’t be denied nor approved.

This fear really exists and there are beneficiary people from all over governmental parties that does not want this revolution to succeed for them to rule, but the majority of people are aware of the consequences of these people strategies. i know lots of people whose goal is the same for a clean country and i am one of them, and they are protesting for the greatest cause, so is it fair to diminish their efforts and their will? but also what if the fear of exploiting what is happening and the hatred against the other that still right there deep down in most of people’s mind despite the fact of saying the opposite publicly, is still flying around and waiting for a a little spark to create an explosion?

regardless of all what happened, is happening and will happen, we have crossed a milestone in breaking barriers we thought it could not be broken, and we proved to ourselves first and to the whole world that our power is in our unity against the corruption since the sectarian system. hoping that this unity defending the purest cause, purest protests and purest revolution will win at the end against all odds and everyone against.

Demands are starting to be distracted from the main reason and cause.
We did not fail the revolution yet, but i guess the revolution is starting to grow tired of us

 

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The Castle Of My Dreams

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Everytime I got to my hometown, there is this little village on the road where there is this villa I admire so much. It reminds me a little of a fairy old love story where there is this girl living in a castle in the middle of nowhere. The design of this villa always make me imagine this full moon night where you can stand enjoying the beautiful scenery from from this secured one porch from the top. It’s a strange but a good feeling I have whenever I see this place.

Sometimes I imagine having this other life where I can run away from all the problems and negativity and struggles of daily routine life to this peaceful place where nothing else matters than these beautiful nights spent with nature, mountains, greenery and even a little lake nearby. I always see myself living in this picture and having a little library of my own just around the corner and having a little field also where I can grew a little vineyard of my own. And a little garden to grow my own flowers.

It’s a beautiful goal that I can work on someday, I guess the purpose of life is not finding the right person to grow up with, it’s finding yourself to grow and enjoy the blessings of life and enjoy everyday you are on this earth and seek for what you love and start living the dream you want. We go to work everyday for a purpose, and this purpose is within ourselves, and those who didn’t figure it out yet they shall live as lost souls. This conclusion is what i ended up with, we don’t live once, we live everyday and we die only once.

This past week was a tough one on family, and I tried to be reasonable and understandable as much as I can, but I realized that it’s not up to me, if the person wills he will find the way to make it happen. And for once, I realized how blessed I am for having being patient and not throw myself at the first opportunity to be someone that I know now that am not.

Always dream big and see your life through your own eyes not anyone else, and fullfill those dreams and this life you want it to be for yourself, so that one day they can remember you as the one who lived a happy satisfying life in my own dream castle.

Happy Sunday !

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Somewhere Over The Rainbow

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Yesterday on the road to my hometown, I saw this view and I started to think how blessed we are to being alive and witness such great life and nature being in front of us, and I remembered how blessed I am to be able to see and feel the greatness of everyhting around me.

We live in a brutal world yes, in an injustice world yes, but how come we reach the point where we think of ending our lives in just a blink of a second whenever the burden of life and circumstances come knocking our door. I just don’t understand and believe it.

Sometimes tragedy happens and in most of the cases it happens to people who are not able to defend themselves or to face the world to keep going, but where is our faith in all of that? if we believe in God, we should believe that all what happens to us are tests we must take, we must fight for our existance and the existance of our families or the lives we are bringing to this world, otherwise we should think twice and more before going through establishing new family. I know it sounds cliche but this is how I think, and I know that sometimes we plan for something and get something else instead but still we must realize exactly what we are doing and how it will be for the rest of our lives. And maybe this way of thinking is what making me single all this time, because I did not find myself yet starting this new chapter of my life, and in all of that you are still in between.

I consider myself blessed and happy. I don’t want to see how cruel the world can be, I want to see life in colors, to see the smiles on the children’s face, the hope, the love and the joy. I am blessed because I have a reliable family and a wonderful and amazing niece that I can’t wait to watch her grow. I am blessed for having few loyal friends whom for sure are by my side through sickness and health. I am blessed because I am able to live my dream and go to the places that I dreamed of since I was a little kid. I am blessed because I am alive and I am starting to see my future in another way bu fulfilling my dreams and passion: to write, to travel, to take pictures, to open some book store or book club, or who knows even to plan a winery,,,big dreams to start think of other than “finding the right man and get married”.

Seeing the memories of today last year and seeing that one of my first dreams came true by vising the place I dreamed of since I was a kid, and dreaming yesterday that my uncle passed away and seeing how we were broken and in tears made me realize that I don’t want anything else in this world. I have almost everything I want and I have more than I deserve, and if having you in my life as a good company for life than I can live with that too and be grateful.

Until next time !

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