Every time I say to myself that I should write more often, especially when am having lots of things on my mind that I want to express or say. But lately, I am feeling exhausted when I go back home and instead of writing down my feelings, I think of them and then I sleep.
First, I want to say that I feel healthier, well a little bit more than I ever did; with the gym being a part of my weekdays lately, I am feeling lighter somehow, and I like it, this new living style. I even feel happier, seems like it gives me power to control my feelings and my mood.
“Happiness is a mood not a destination!” this is my mantra these days. I like the meaning of this expression, ever since I heard it on one of my favorite series, and I am so grateful for what I am getting these days.
I guess what I am experiencing at work has somehow a big influence too on my mood, I am happy to wake up every morning and having a motivation to go through my day there. I know the flaws of the people there, maybe mine too, but I actually like to love and be loved and appreciated. I feel like I am at my second home, and I can say that work is not the same without a couple of people there, who enlighten my days and make me laugh or smile and forget all the worries or stress or mistakes faced there.
And I guess that my great mood these days knowing how our relation is so powerful and meaningful, at least from my side of the story. I want to believe that it is truly mutual from your side too, I want to believe that you want our friendship as much as I do, even though sometimes I think about more, but us being good friends is enough for me. And I want to believe that you are sharing with me some of the things happening around your life because you want to share them with someone close to you and not because some benefits from it. I want to believe in all that, I do, but looking back to all what we faced since the day you came back here, it is not promising or ensuring. But no matter how hard they try to keep me away from you, and most of the time they are right about it, there is a magic in your words that keeps me returning back to the way we were once, or at least try to be that again.
Sometimes I feel that u want that too, but you’re too afraid or too hesitant, sometimes it makes some sense when it turns to be that you’re careless, or this is what I convince myself to protect myself from hurting again and again.
But the very best part of all of this, my dreams. You are coming back to haunt them and in every single one of them I try to find a meaning of what we are, and in every one I can see an explanation of why you want this as much as I do, and that you’re tired to be alone in all of this, especially that u know that I always do what u want and help u as much as I can.
And although my day dream will always be a part of who I am, for now am trying so hard to not overthink about those, and focus on how to be better friend to you, as always.
Till Kingdom Come !