The past two days, i have been watching movies of Nicholas Sparks and I’ve been crying all the time. I always say to myself that in these times of days, I should not watch such movies, I should watch comedy or even horror movies,,,but then I can’t help it. I find it everywhere around me.
And strangely that it might seems, I always feel relieved, crying myself out like this. And of course, since everything come back to you, I feel myself trapped in a situation where disappointment is always the consequences.
I don’t know why I feel the way I feel. After all these years, I should have learnt something, but instead I feel myself falling deeper and deeper. I don’t know how while you never changed, you’re still that arrogant and selfish sometimes, but sometimes in between, you’re still my best friend that I always knew as caring and sensitive and strong inside out.
I wish there would be ways to make you understand how I feel, and only God knows why I feel this way, because I am sure that no one can love you the way I do, and no one will care the way I do.
Yesterday, you visited me in my dreams, like every time when we argue about something you come to my dreams. I don’t know if it is something from heaven to tell me that you care and that my stubborn head sometimes is just over-reacting, but I always find you in a place where you don’t want to let go. And this is a relief for me, because I believe and I want to believe that it is really true and they are the message to me in a way or another.
And despite the fact that I miss you so much, and the fact that I’m dying to talk to you and laugh with you, I feel hurt and a little stupid for believing. But in the end, I never let go, and you never do as well in your own way. So all what we need is time. A time for you to come around and a time for me to calm my feelings down a little bit.
Until that, I carry you in my heart, mind and soul.
Till Kingdom Comes !