7 years ago, and at the first day of the new year, I got the most devastating news, my uncle was dead !
Ever since then, this day has become a bitter memory but a sweet hope for a new beginning. Every end is a new beginning. Lots of people are dearly missed, people that they got me through this back then, people whom somehow I have lost contact with, like so many people, forgiven never forgotten.
This year, and after all this time, this memory still hits me so bad, but this year with something else to add.
I knew from the beginning we got back together that we will end it the same way we always do. I knew from the beginning that it was too good to be true, that you will make the distance and that I will not accept it easily. I knew from the beginning that I can’t trust all the good things happened because they won’t last, because the couldn’t last.
But this time, am leaving behind everything stronger than ever. If I did it once and kept moving forward and living my life, I can do it again and again. This time harder than last time, because I got too attached again and even more than ever, but nothing is impossible.
this time there is something different. And it is not the way you always treated me, it is not the way that you leave for a very long time and you come back with a silly comment or weird entrance like this space and distance never happened, it is not the way you do no even care of what is happening with my life, how I have been lately, how my work is, how my feelings are doing,,,well it is all of those with something more to add, something that might be the solution for all this, the solution for me.
He cares for me, for what I love, for what I do. He can provides me the life I dream of, the things I wanted. I don’t know why but I am thinking of going through this for real this time. Despite the age difference, despite the life I pictured to have with you, despite of my feelings and despite of people’s thoughts, I guess I will give it a shot. Maybe he is the best I can get, maybe it was not you since the beginning, maybe it was never meant to be you.
As much as it still hurt so bad, and as much as I love you, I think I must let go of the idea of you. Since the incident we had after our last week, you never actually visited me in my dreams like you always did when we used to have our fights. So maybe it is the way you are telling me to let go and forget all hopes and dreams and wishes I had in my mind.
And it is ok, really,,, am fine and will do great with time, I have my own life to figure it out for real, the important thing is that you are ok and you are happy, no matter what. It will be more than enough for me, because as much as you hurt me in the past, I would never wish for you the same feelings and unhappiness I lived. I hope you will find it soon, the magic of love and inner peace, the same I found it with you, even my worst fear was gone when with you, I hope you will have it one day !
Happy New Year, and here’s to a new beginning for a new chapter of our lives, mine would be the one this year, I can feel it.
Bye Bye 2016 the Year of Sorrow, and Welcome 2017 the Year of Hope !