“Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong – Ella Fitzgerald” “Happiness depends upon ourselves – Aristotle”. Am not giving up on hope and am not feeling sad but it seems sometimes that hope and love stand against me.
Every night I fight the urge feeling to talk to you because I might need my closure to turn the page, but then I remember that it’s not worth anything. It will always end up the same, me angry and writing you pages of endless words, and you so cool always not understanding what I mean and always underestimating my feelings and worries. So in the morning I give up on the idea. No matter how hurtful it might get, I keep on holding myself up.
Sometimes, I have this thought that everyone had their eyes on us, they wanted to be us, they wanted to steal what we had. And I guess they have won, because what we had once is destroyed, and I can feel their laugh at us. Envy have won, sadly and with disappointment because I thought what we had was so strong that can defeat anything, but again I was wrong.
Am focusing on filling my time with some things that I wanted to do and to have for many years, hoping that it will keep me a little distracted to get through things, especially when wanting to go out for a drink and no one is there. It’s not that bad to be all by myself, having some time for me. But I miss you and I guess I will never recover from missing you. I must go on. I will go on !