Every beginning of a year, i vow to myself to start writing again, or typing in this case since we are in the tech era. And every year I feel so excited in the beginning then life happens, with all its happy/sad moments that keeps me away of being attached to express my self and my thoughts, now that they are very interesting but it matters to me to think after a while of how this day or that day made me feel in a certain point of my life.
we are all here in this world as guests and who knows exactly what there is beyond this life we are living, but what makes me feel at peace is my faith. I have my own kind of faith for all things around me, the explainable and non-explainable, the reachable and non-reachable. I believe in my God, and my faith is to see the love and the goods in all, people, situations even nature. I believe that after all, what matters is the inside of each one of us, not measured by the times we show to the world how much we have faith and inside we curse and we steel and we lie. And I think God goves forgiveness and loves us and always protects us if we just listen.
that’s being said, I know i have my flaws, everyone does, but I’m learning to be better. It was a good year last year if I might say. I feel that I’m at this point of my life where I can set my priorities and go for achieving them. If I might say that my thirties are being well treated and lived. Last year I enjoyed two incredible trips, and of course am planning for more for this year and every year as long as I can.
I also made this big step of showing my feelings with no fear, I felt like it should be said outloud than dancing around the subject everytime I am around you. I don’t care if you won’t feel the same or if we are not made for each other, although sometimes I feel like we are compatible in so many ways, especially in the way of thinking. But if that is not enough than fine for me, as long as we are still in touch. Sometimes I feel like you really care for me as friends of course and sometimes I feel like you are so far to reach, but it’s nothing new, since it is the same since 2012. So I accepted the fact that we are nothing more.
This year also, I learned how am truly loved from my surroundings, even if it is a small circle, but the fact that my friends care about me and are being there for me to challenge me to become better is a true blessing. I learn from them and I get power to keep on living.
The biggest blessing that I truly had this year is me becoming an aunt. It is the best feeling ever. Maybe I won’t be able to experience the motherhood feeling, but with this little cutiest baby girl I am beyond blessed to have her in my life, God protects her. I can’t wait to have my lifetime being around her and watching her grow. I want to be for her always, and I hope she looks up to me while she grows because i will give her my world and love. Maybe God did not plan for me to have my own family, but for me she is my family, I thank God everyday for this blessing, for having a family that love each other and protect each other despite all disagreements or little flights we might have had.
I wish one day I can have my own family, if not with you, then with someone who truly cares and loves me for who I am and what I can become.
For this year, I vow to do more trips, which I started to plan one for my biggest wild childhood dream, I vow to love more, to care more, to be more understandable and a little careless with you, I vow to protect my family and friends, to work harder at my job, to start learning how to cook (I think it’s time), to read more and to write more.
Happy belate beginning of a new year, a new chapter in our lives, and Happy February, my favorite month of the year, may it be a great month among us all !